1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning, “to cook outside.”

2. You think is Heinz Ketchup  really SPICY!

3. You don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce” correctly.

4. For breakfast, you prefer potato au gratin to grits.

5. You don’t know what  moon pie is.

6. You’ve never had an  RC Cola.

7. You’ve never, ever, eaten okra, fried or boiled.

8. You eat fried chicken  with a knife and fork.

9. You’ve never seen a live chicken, and the only cows  you’ve seen are on road trips.

10. You have no idea what a polecat is.

11. You don’t see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.

12. You don’t have bangs.

13. You would rather  at Martha’s Vineyard than Six Flags.

14. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.

15. You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV  fishing show.

16. Instead of referring to two or more people  as “y’all,” you call them “you guys,” even if both of them are women.

17. You don’t think Ted Kennedy  has an accent.

18. You have never planned your summer vacation  around a gun-n-knife show.

19. You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.

20. You don’t have at least one can of WD-40  somewhere around the house.

21. The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an onramp to the highway.

22. You don’t have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.

23. The farthest south you’ve ever been is the perfume  counter at Neiman Marcus.

24. You call binoculars  opera glasses.

25. You can’t spit out the car  window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.

26. You would never wear pink or an appliqué sweatshirt.

27. You don’t know what appliqué is.

28. You don’t know anyone with at least two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice, etc.)

29. You don’t have doilies, and you certainly don’t know how to make one.

30. You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.

31. You can do your laundry without quarters.

32. None of your fur coats  are homemade.

none