Please be aware also that Beer delivers vital nutrients without which the body cannot survive

Please be aware also that Beer delivers vital nutrients without which the body cannot survive.

Vitamin B from Barley
Vitamin C from Carbonation
Vitamin A from Alcohol
Vitamin H from Hops

Brewing water into beer also produces the only safe and effective prevention against Typhus, Cholera, Ricketts, Palno-Harfens Syndrome and Andalusian
Whooping Phlegm.

Why do you think that the Pilgrims aboard the Mayflower put to port in Plymouth, Massachusetts, instead of finishing their planned journey to Jamestown, Virginia? Simple. They ran out of Beer. Check your history, it’s true.

Doctors say that a Beer a day can help reduce arterial plaque, lower blood pressure and help reduce cholesterol. I firmly believe this and have taken action accordingly. I am currently medicated through the end of the 24th Century.

Beer is, in fact, a Major Food Group unto itself.

Now, on the subject of Exercise, remember these simple examples of what you should and should not do when exercising.

DO: Pace yourself. Don’t over-exert, especially when beginning an exercise program.

DO: Work into exercise GRADUALLY. Say, over 80 or 90 years. Start by watching exercise videos, then build up to humming along with the background music. Drooling at women in Spandex also burns calories and improves cardio-vascular fitness.

DO: Maintain a safe, injury-free exercise area. Protective padding to prevent falls is recommended. Cushioned surfaces to reduce impact injuries are preferred. Proper body position is critical to healthy and effective exercise. A LazyBoy or BarcaLounger provides all these safety features in one, compact unit.

DO: Use a well-rounded workout program. Running, Jogging and Jumping all provide similar and yet varied exercise to critical muscle groups, so use them in a balanced exercise regimen. I find that Running my mouth, Jogging my memory and Jumping to the occasional conclusion form the backbone of my fitness workout.

DO: Involve the family. Exercise is a social activity, as well as a physical activity. Have your children, your wife, your girlfriend or others exercise while you supervise. Remember, you know more about safety and fitness than they do, so share that knowledge with the ones you love. Be sure to use the safety equipment provided on the LazyBoy to protect yourself while they exercise.

DON’T: Be fooled by the recent craze of so-called “Aerobic” exercises. Aerobic is actually a form of Bacteria, and we all know what THEY do. The act of intentionally making yourself breathe hard while there are Bacteria around will only cut short your precious life. Avoid it. Besides, all that air friction in the lungs will wear them out prematurely.

DON’T: Think that an elevated Heart Rate during exercise (the alleged Training Heart Rate scam) is a good thing either. Just as an engine is stressed to the point of failure by over-revving, the heart can be also. Keep your heart rate down and at a safe pace. Watch only one or two videos at a time, as watching women in Spandex can cause excessive elevation of your heart rate.

DON’T: Buy, rent or use sophisticated exercise equipment or apparatus. Remember, more people are killed by machines than machines are killed by people. Besides, the only weight you will lose is from your wallet. If you want to lift weight, get your fat arse out of the LazyBoy and go get a beer.

DO: Remember that the objective of any exercise program is to finish with a Heart Rate greater than Zero.